I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
