And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
