I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize