omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
