The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
