better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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