Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Semen is not good for contacts.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
