i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
