Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
as a side note pls kill me
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
