So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You pole danced in your parka.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
