I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
