Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize