i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
