Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
