the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
