Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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