careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
