You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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