Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Randomize
