She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
