i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
