I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
