evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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