i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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