Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
pray to the hookup gods
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
