I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
