Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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