Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
