Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize