my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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