im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
