your parents love me but you hate me
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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