Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
