i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
