I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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