pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
