I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
They took my balls.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
