why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
