I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
