I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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