and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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