Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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