"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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