I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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