After last night, I could never be a politician.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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