I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
