remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
