I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
