ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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