and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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