recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
