The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
