he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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