Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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