His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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