dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
