I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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