I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
