its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
