he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
