No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
