I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
