Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
