turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
